The Excelsior Reader & Spacefarm Report

By the way...

2007-05-23T18:26:00.000-04:00

I doubt traffic in this joint is very high at all lately. Both Brylock and myself kind of felt as though we were merely voices in the din, so to speak, and have focussed our blogging on personal activities, mostly through Myspace.

Drieux's Myspace
Brylock's Myspace

For those who are wondering and have never bothered to follow the links: Brylock and his wife happily welcomed their newest addition, Owen Terrence Thomas, just a short time back. The whole family is happy and healthy and doing well. The clan is also preparing for next fall, when they'll be journeying to Japan as Brylock continues his studies there.

I'm close to getting hitched - July 14th - and you can follow those shenanigans Here. Brylock is even my Best Man! I can't wait to be horribly embarrassed by the toast.

Leila and I also adopted a new kitten, which has filled our lives with a cuteness usually reserved for people not as bitter as myself.

Wi-Fi Use Gets Man In Trouble

2007-05-23T18:20:00.000-04:00

A guy here in West Michigan is facing a big fine and public service for using a local coffee shop's WiFi connection. The full story can be read here, but the summary is: guy pulls into parking lot of coffee shop, buys nothing and hooks up to their WiFi signal.

Cheapskate? Yeah, definitely. Illegal? According to laws on the books, it sure is: the guy pled guilty to the charges and is looking at $400 in fines, but the full penalty was much harsher, including a stint in jail.

Since nobody reads this anymore, it's kind of like flushing info down the toilet, but just in case: what do you think? Should the guy be penalized for his creepy, cheapskate behavior, or is anybody who leaves their WiFi open subject to whomever wants to use it?

YouTubey Entertainment: The Best In Entertainment!

2007-02-15T16:20:00.000-05:00

Howdy, Spacefarmers - all (none) of you.

Thought I'd post a lovely little time-waster that I created with my bride-to-be; we decided to put the new digital video camera to use while we were enjoying a lazy Sunday out to a movie.

Enjoy!

Drieux Does Standup

2007-01-26T09:36:00.000-05:00

As I've written before to our literally none-zens of readers, I do standup. I also recently purchased a Digital Video Camera, so now you can see me doing that standup from the comfort of your computer.

Enjoy! (note: there is vulgarity. I wouldn't play it at work or for your kids, unless you really want to be fired or considered a bad parent.)

Or you can also head to YouTube directly to check it out and comment there, and follow it to other videos I've posted. Here!

Bush To World: "Throw Enough Shit At A Wall, Some Of It Is Bound To Stick!"

2007-01-11T17:08:00.000-05:00

In a speech that had been delayed by almost a month, President Bush spoke to the world on Wednesday evening and said he plans to send another 20,000 troops to Iraq.

In the plan, troops will be "embedded," or "em-made-sitting-ducks-en," in the Anbar province, an area which last year achieved "Total Shitstorm" status by the military. Bush also confirmed that nuclear resources were being deployed to the area, just in case it appears Jesus wants the world to end.

Bush admitted to "mistakes" in his speech, such as the "Mission Accomplished" speech that occurred shortly after the war began.

"We hadn't won until a few months later," said Bush. "I also shouldn't have started on the 'Hard' level on Guitar Hero. It was too much and I have yet to complete that game."

The move for more troops comes against all recommendations from almost everybody with two brain cells to rub together. When questioned about the plan, Bush yelled, "I hate all of you! I'm never coming back! Never!!!"

Shortly after the speech, troops stationed in Iraq were reminded that while body armor may be hard to come by, bibles were readily available.

iPhone Creates New Syndrome: iBoner

2007-01-11T16:58:00.000-05:00

In the wake of the new iPhone, introduced by Steve Jobs earlier this week, tech analysts all over the world have been struck with a new problem: iBoner. Upon first glimpse, tech-nerds are suddenly experiencing a sudden rush of blood to the genitals, preventing them from completing any actual work or doing anything of actual consequence.

"Ohhhhh, goddd," said Jeremy Clipson, a systems analyst in Piedmont, Ohio. "Ohh, man - that phone is so hot....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Cingular, the company that will be exclusively distributing the new phone, plans to include a towel with each phone proudly displaying the Mac logo to capitilize on their new addition.

"Since our service really sucks, this is a great addition to our library of phones," said Peter Douchenozzle, spokesman for Cingular. "Someday the phone will even be attainable for poor people!"

The phone will retail for $499 at first, which girlfriend-free tech geeks are happy to fork over.

Rice Questioned About Iraq; "Uhhhhhh..." says Rice

2007-01-11T16:48:00.000-05:00

With a new Democratic congress in place, Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice was called from the fun of the Nod-In-Agreement squad and asked questions not about shoes or the music of Earth, Wind and Fire, on whom she is regarded as the 12th most knowledgable historian.

Members of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee asked Rice about the Iraq war, the subject of which flustered the Secretary at first.

"It's actually a conflict," said Rice. "Oh, wait - it's a battle. Or a move for freedom. Or is it a Civil War? Hey, what's that over there?"

The Secretary then attempted to run out of the room.

Members of the committe pressed Rice to admit the quagmire in the Middle East had only gotten worse, to which Rice replied, "When god closes a door, he opens up a vast clusterfuck filled with opportunity to the greedy and godless."

"What?!?" said Sen. Barack Obama.

"Uhhhh...stay the course," said Rice, which was all she said for the remaining of the five-hour session.

Rice is planning to head to Iraq herself shortly, during which she will stop in London to shop for shoes.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/national/1151AP_US_Iraq_Anger_and_Ambition.html

The Wheels In The Sky Keep On Turnin'

2007-01-09T15:29:00.000-05:00

So, still stopping by Spacefarm, huh?

Fine. Whatcha wanna talk about?

If you, for some reason, aren't keeping up with Brylock and I via our Myspace profiles, let me once again recommend that you start.

Drew
Rev. Brylock

If you're stubborn, let me give you a little recap. I'm getting married in July and working on those plans. Why yes, I am doing a wedding blog - Here! so you can keep updated on that. I'm also working hard at the new job, for the biggest radio news station in Grand Rapids. And yes, I'm still doing standup.

Here I am in South Haven, Michigan, doing my first long set - 15 minutes. It was a big change from the 4-5 minutes you get in a comedy club when you're starting out. I did pretty well. And if you follow that link to my Myspace profile, you'll also find you can download it to listen! Yay!

Brylock is also working hard on his degree at Western Michigan in Kalamazoo, and he and his wife are getting ready for a new baby! We both still follow the news, of course, but neither of us has had the time to devote to a news blog lately. I guess both of us would still consider it if this site got any traffic, but it wasn't like this blog was tearing up the charts. There's still some awesome stuff in the archives, though. Who knows? Check back regularly - I'm feeling newsy.

So, thanks for caring and stopping by.

Hey, Nobody

2006-12-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

I doubt anybody reads this anymore. And why should you? But just in case somebody stops by, let's share, shall we?

Where to start? Well, I got fired from my job a few months back. To be honest, I wasn't too worried about it and the subsequent months off allowed me to re-think my future and begin doing something I've always thougth about: stand-up comedy.

I've since been onstage about a dozen times, and I have several shows coming up. It's going all right and I plan to keep pursuing it. In the meantime, I have been hired by another giant radio conglomerate, for whom I am working about 30 hours a week doing news and traffic. We are considering a move out of the state in the near future as well.

While I don't blog here much anymore, I do still find plenty of time to jab my sausagey fingers onto a keyboard. If you haven't followed Brylock and I to our Myspace pages, you may as well do it now:

http://www.myspace.com/drieux
http://www.myspace.com/brylock

We both keep our adoring public updated through those. You can also find versions of some of my stand-up routines available to listen to and download. Lucky you!

I hope everybody is having a pleasant holiday season. Take care!

The Future, Thanks To Apple

2006-09-13T07:10:00.000-04:00

Your television will be changing, thanks to Apple -

Story.

I was just discussing with somebody that the future of home entertainment is not having to have a big entertainment center chocked full of different boxes for videos, DVD's, HD-DVD's, Cable Tuner and videogames, not to mention shelves and shelves full of movies - it's one box, hooked to the set with a big hard drive, capable of ripping or downloading content as well as airing standard or HD-TV.

Of course, being a Mac geek, this makes me perfectly happy - while Windows creators have been dancing around something like this for the past few OS's, it never caught on OR worked properly - surprise - and Apple is making it happen. There's still plenty of time before we've all got one of these in our houses, of course - but if anybody is going to make it work, Apple stands a great chance.

Hello....

2006-08-16T20:13:00.000-04:00

Is it me you're looking for?

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that nobody is stopping by here anymore. In that case, you're best off stopping by our various Myspace profiles or other blogs. If you don't know where those are - well, ask and I'll be happy to tell you.

Thanks for the support, but I don't think there's that much traffic here these days. I've recently become informed of a future unemployment, I'm working on several writing projects and trying to figure out how to support myself at the same time, so twenty minutes on a blog that nobody reads is not really a necessity to me.

Thanks to Safari's browser, adding links quickly is difficult but here are some addresses -

www.myspace.com/drieux
www.myspace.com/brylock
http://www.drewandleila.blogspot.com

You'll find pretty much everything through those. Thanks again.

Bob Novak: Thanks For Nothing

2006-07-12T05:19:00.000-04:00

Bob Novak has published a column detailing some of his sources in the story in which he outed a CIA agent. Surprising nobody, Karl Rove is named.

This comes after investigators have said they don't foresee any charges being filed against Rove, even though he has committed treason - hell, Bush even said YEARS ago that anybody who had told the press the identity of a CIA agent would be fired.

We could start holding our breath and waiting for Rove to be fired or for charges to be filed, but that would mean the Republican party would have developed a sense of integrity and decency, and I'd be willing to bet 20 limbs of Iraqi orphans that THAT isn't going to happen anytime soon.

So, thanks for taking the time to tell us what we already know, Mr. Novak. We can all sleep much easier now. Oh, wait - no we can't.

Story.

Them Fat Peoples Is Crazy!!

2006-07-06T05:18:00.000-04:00

A new study shows that fatties are more likely to be batshit crazy. That's also the exact terminology they use, because doctors are very sensitive.

Actually, the study shows that the obese suffer a greater risk of having mental disorders such as depression and panic disorder - i.e., they panic when they're out of Ho-Ho's, and they get depressed when they lose their helper sticks to reach the Ho-Ho's.

I'm sad because I'm fat, and I'm fat because I'm sad. And I love cheese!

I think we can all understand why these people are depressed. After all, if you had Type-2 diabetes by the time you were 17 and knew that by 50 your eyes would be so worseless that you couldn't watch your shows while you lounged on your bed in a room kept at a brisk 40-degrees via an always-on air conditioner and counting down to your every-3-days bath with a rag-on-a-stick, hey - you'd be kinda down too there, buddy.

And There Will Be The Gnashing Of Teeth

2006-07-06T05:07:00.000-04:00

Well, it's official - the only person responsible for Ken Lay's death is Satan. That's right - the milleniums-old Ruler-Of-Evil is believed to have come to claim one of his recent favorite sons through a massive heart attack - surely, a wonderful precursor to an eternity of hellfire and demon sodomy.

AAAARRRGHHHH!!!

In no way do I think it's great when people die, especially in Lay's case. I was really looking forward to seeing him taken into custody and jailed for the rest of his natural life. It would be only fair, after he spent the first part of his life working only to gain massive amounts of wealth with no regard to the rest of humanity. Oh well, though. We've still got Dick Cheney to look forward to - and you KNOW he made sure when he made his deal with the devil he got at least a hundred years to live. Lay just didn't know how to negotiate properly.

Oh, and I love how he died while vacationing after being convicted. Who the hell gets to go on a trip for a vacation before their sentencing?!? Something tells me the devil just jumped in to avoid Lay getting away with anything.

Ahhh, The Hilariousness

2006-06-05T16:47:00.000-04:00

There are few things in this world funnier than a person who thinks they are a rapper. They invariably take it upon themselves to utilize every stereotype they can, often to hilarious results. These are the people who wander through the streets with the waistbands of their pants somehow perched on their knees, while they walk around and think they look cool. They're the ones who stand on street corners with no money (that's how players roll, baby!) and come up with the same lousy rhymes, over and over again - something about "being the greatest," "spitting hot fire" and about a million ways to slang "bitch."

If a white person does it, it makes it even funnier. Also, I can feel free to make fun of them, which I tend to avoid if they're black.

Anyway, here's an awesome link to the awesome site of GBB - a rapper so tight he's using a website design straight outta 1994.

Bust It!

They Took Urr Jobs!

2006-05-31T16:39:00.000-04:00

I love America...a country so free, you can demand that others learn your language when you have no mastery of it whatsoever...

New Study Shows: Drieux Will Be Very, Very, Very Fat

2006-05-25T16:06:00.000-04:00

Well, shit.

A new study shows that people who get less sleep are more likely to be overweight and obese.

This is bad news for yours truly, because I tend to lean towards four/five hours a night. Yes, I'm aware it's bad for me, but I work in radio and news - the hours are similar to that of an inner city crack whore who's in love with Pete Doherty. And those are hard, hard hours, my friend.

Justice (kinda/sorta) Happens

2006-05-25T15:47:00.000-04:00

Well, years later and an expensive trial have led to a guilty verdict for Kenneth Lay and cronies for the Enron shenanigans.

While it makes one hopeful that this could lead to a windfall of double-chinned scumsuckers being forced to do a perp walk due to unabashed greed and the pursuit of opulence at the cost of the well-being of thousands of American workers - I ain't holding my breath.

When we're paying $3 a gallon to fuel up our vehicles and the oil companies are registering profits in the billions, corporate greed is not going away anytime soon.

Jailhouse Rock!

O'Reilly To Hillbillies: "Thanks for buying into my bullshit!"

2006-05-25T15:40:00.000-04:00

As always, Bill O'Reilly manages to prove himself a master of outright bullshit.

On a recent program, he claimed that Americans aged 18-24 have no idea what's going on, because they get their news from Jon Steward and The Daily Show.

As was the case in the mid-90's, when Rush Limbaugh was more than an Oxycontin punchline and had hundreds of mouthbreathers spitting back his vitriol, the listeners/viewers of O'Reilly and FOX NEWS in general score far lower than viewers of the Daily Show on quizzes regarding current events.

Of course, I wouldn't say that people should only watch the Daily Show - that would be, well, fucking retarded. It's a satire, and it's very well-done, yes, but the reason that the show does well and has a large and loyal viewership is because - well, they're educated and informed - that's how they get the fucking jokes. The people who blindly flip to O'Reilly only know what FOX tells them, and thusly are barely able to get their gene pool out of the local swimmin' hole at the family reunion.

Full Story.

Rich White Guys To America: "Fuck You, America!"

2006-05-13T09:33:00.000-04:00

In pushing their 70 billion dollar tax cuts, Republican leaders are pushing the idea once again that rich people having more money will benefit all of America.

Of course, the cuts mean that a household earning around 30-to-40 thousand per year will see almost nothing, while someone earning $200,000 will definitely see some money back - big, fat, delicious money. Luckily for rich Republicans, I hear that Jesus is giving a 2-for-1 special to Heaven these days - because whoever dies with the most, gets to keep it all in Heaven, while he eats as much cake and pie as he likes. Mmmmm....sounds pretty awesome!

Papa needs a new pair of shoes!

Luckily, the voting public is smelling the B.S., which is hopefully a sign that the Midterm elections may not be a sign of the upcoming right-wing apocalypse.

McCain: Time To Get Pathetic

2006-05-13T09:24:00.000-04:00

After using solid policy, aspirations of a united America and no bullshit got him beaten down by George W. Bush, John McCain looks to be ready to shake hands with the basest of Republican bases to get himself elected to a higher office.

McCain is giving the commencement address at Falwell University, which offers great programs such as "Yelling at People Different From Yourself," "Taking Money from Hopefull Fools," and a great Master's degree in "Getting the most Jiggle From Your Chins While Proclaiming Yourself Holy."

This is a definite reaching-out from McCain to the hardcore Religious wing, which helped Bush get elected, thanks to that damn picture of Jesus shaking his hand at a fundraiser in Texas in the 70s.

This is also likely a sign of McCain being willing to do and say whatever it takes to get himself into the White House, which is pretty much the best decision anyone can make - nothing like selling out your values to get where you want to go!

Condemnation.

It's gonna be an awesome 2008.

This Just In: Republicans Elect Scumbags

2006-05-13T09:16:00.000-04:00

In a story that probably doesn't surprise anybody, a Republican Governor has been indicted for - gasp! - using his position to help his friends.

Kentucky Republican Ernie Fletcher has been indicted for allegedly using his powerful position to give his allies high-ranking and high-paying government jobs. While I don't think many politicians would get away free-and-clear in charges like this, leave it to a Republican to go above and beyond in an effort to make himself a total asshole.

Linky!

I think most people would agree that it wouldn't be shocking to find out that a politician had greased a few palms and gotten a few associates or "Drunken Son Of Best Friend" a solid job. But Fletcher appears to have also used his office to make sure that anybody who was a strong contributor to his campaign is also suddenly working in positions such as "Chief Head To The Travelling Secretary" and other such nonsense.

In the not-surprising-at-all column, Fletcher's people say that the whole thing is politically motivated and it's just the Democrats and the liberal media out to get him. That's most likely true - they would like to get him to actually go to jail, which will probably never happen because he's a rich white guy.

Let's Get Facted!

2006-05-13T09:09:00.000-04:00

It was really no big surprise when Tony Snow, a long-time talking head on Fox News, was named the new press secretary for the Bush White House. It should be, after all, an easy transition to go from saying baldface lies about Bush to....making baldfaced lies about President Bush.

Well, Snow has held his first press conference, and he was apparantly a mess.

From the story: At a raggedy morning briefing, Mr. Snow also displayed characteristics not widely associated with the Bush White House: he admitted mistakes, apologized to reporters and said flatly that he did not know the answer to several questions.

Full Article.

Who'd have thought that a Fox News guy wasn't prepared to lie? I guess they're going to have to get some teleprompters and flashier graphics for their press meetings.

Photo Link For Vacay Pictures

2006-05-01T08:41:00.000-04:00

Because I know everybody who reads this thinks only about me, and wants to know more about me, and wants to either make love to me or stab me, here's a link for some vacation photos over at my Flickr page.

Picture-tastic!

There's pictures dating back quite a few months, but the first few pages are all from the vacation. More will get posted shortly, once I get off my ass. Enjoy!

Hey, Everybody

2006-04-29T23:34:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I bothered to post anything here on Spacefarm. But, I do have some big news and a few other things to tell our readers.

First off, I just got back from a much-needed Mexican vacation. My girl and I, along with my parents, my sister and her husband, and 14 other friends and family, headed towards Playa del Carmen, near Cancun and Cozumel. It was a great time.

While on vacation, I proposed to my girlfriend, after more than six years. She was pretty pumped about it, and I'm excited as well. The planning will soon begin, for what we're thinking will be a summer '07 wedding.

Now, I'm back, and ready to get back to work. Thanks for continuing to check in here at Spacefarm.

Sayonara, Shitbrick!

2006-04-04T01:32:00.000-04:00

DeLay Quits!

CAN I GET A "FUCK YEAH"?!?!

Now THAT'S Charity!

2006-03-27T04:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, now, I know that the Barbara Bush pictured above is not the one that this post is actually about, but let's remember: the senior Barbara B. is incredibly old and, much like the Emperor in "Star Wars," ravaged by evil and reduced to a tiny, shriveled being of pure malevolence. The pictured Barbara is much hotter, and thus, better for looking at.

Anyway, I came across this item, detailing how, in the wake of the Hurricane Katrina tragedies, old kind Barb made a donation: a donation which she specified must be used towards purchasing items from her son Neil's for-profit company, and in which she is a stockholder.

Now, nothing says "giving" like pumping a tax-free donation, which is then written off on your own taxes, and goes to profit the company in which your family is heavily invested. In other words, nothing like indulging in complete and utter greed.

Back In The Day

2006-03-23T15:25:00.000-05:00

When people hear me discuss video games or comic books, they often think,

"Wow, Drew - I'll bet your life has been one, long train of vagina, from beginning to end. Surely, knowing what issue Wolverine first appeared in, and the "30 Lives" Contra code brought you plenty of 'tang."

Oddly enough, no, it didn't. But I have thought about what it would have been like, years ago, if someone had told me what videogames would look like when I was in my mid-20's. Because they look pretty awesome.

Someone has put together a little comparison to our Nintendo heyday and the modern era of Xbox 360. I don't own that system, but it's still pretty remarkable.

Up-Down-Up-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-A-B-Select-Start!

It'll Happen....Now! Okay, NOW!!! Okay, maybe.....NOW!!!

2006-03-23T07:55:00.000-05:00

Well, damn. I've been ignoring this blog for weeks. But, I swear I have a really good reason.

I honestly didn't think there was a point. I mean, c'mon - the rapture is coming, people. Don't you know?

If you don't believe me, just check out this: Spread the Love!

How could a whole group of believers be wrong? Especially about something like Jesus taking all the true believers to heaven, while the rest are left to suffer? If they were wrong, that'd just be crazy!!

I might write some more soon, but c'mon - it could happen at any time. Like.....NOW! Or.....NOW!

Seriously. Any time, now. I mean, there are liberals and stuff, and gay people can have sex without being burned at the stake.

Big Celebration

2006-03-01T05:58:00.000-05:00

This is a big day for Spacefarm. We are entering our twelfth month - one year of Spacefarm blogging.

We have posted just a little under 600 posts in the past year. Our output has been a little lighter than what we started at, but still - almost 600 posts in a year? I don't think many other blogs can come close to making that claim in yearly output.

So, thanks to our readers. We appreciate it.

And let's take this time to also open up the floor - what do you like about Spacefarm? What don't you like? What would you like more of? Let us know. It's the best way to keep it going and keep it interesting.

Thanks again.

Getting A Pass

2006-03-01T05:28:00.000-05:00

This is not really a big deal, but I do think it's a solid example of a Republican getting a pass where others would not.

Ann Coulter had been scheduled to speak at a Republican event in the area in the middle of March. On Monday, she cancelled that appearance, after more than a thousand tickets had already been sold. The reason for this was apparantly a double-booking in Florida, which is a pretty low-rent reason for a well-paid and well-staffed personality.

Anyway, the only news outlet I could find details on this story in the area was The Muskegon Chronicle. For those Spacefarm readers who are not from West Michigan, The Chronicle is the little, slightly retarded cousin of the media world in the area. It's not bad, necessarily, but it's not great either.

Meanwhile, large outlets owned by massive organizations such as The Grand Rapids Press and WOOD tv, both of which will admit to leaning more right-wing, have said nothing. And it's a slow news week, unless you consider a minor escape a big deal - which all of the outlets apparantly do, because they haven't shut up about it for 24 hours.

Anyway, here's the link to the story - yo.

Crazy Dating Personals

2006-02-25T16:07:00.000-05:00

If you're looking for an insight into the human condition, and you don't mind having hours and hours sucked away, I've got just the thing for you -

Scary Personals!

Holy crap. That's about all I can really say about it.

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another?

2006-02-17T16:11:00.000-05:00

In a further example of why Satan will always win, Harry Whittington, the man shot by Dick Cheney has made a statement APOLOGIZING for the incident to the Vice President for all he's had to endure since the inident.

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

The guy who was shot in the face by the (possibly drunk) V.P. apologizes him? If it were a Democrat such as Ted Kennedy, the Republican heads would be on every show on Fox News, attacking him for possibly having had cocktails before the hunt, and for not taking full responsbility immediately, and for not coming forward to pay for all the medical expenses.

The Republicans have their shit so together, Cheney is getting off scot-free, and the guy who was shot is even apologizing to him for the incident.

This is Dark Force Jedi Tricks, people. This is Vader performing the mind-choke on a peon power.

If only you knew the power of the Dark Side.

Advice To Skating: Turn The Gayness Down, Please

2006-02-17T08:52:00.000-05:00

A few of the morning News Magazine shows have been profiling the Men's Figure Skating at the Olympics, which is apparantly going into full-force tonight. And I'm all for competition, and events that require coordination, grace and poise, but - c'mon, let's tone down the blatant fagginess.

No sport is more entrenched in gayness than men's figure skating, and that's why nobody but the gay commentators watching the shit care. The outfits are faggy, the music is gay, and the routines are about one double-toe-loop away from bursting into flames.

Women's figure skating has an audience because it's attractive women in skimpy outfits. But the guys need to butch it up, or expect that it will soon be called "Ultra-Gay Super-Flaming Cute Shoes On Ice" instead of skating.

I do think that gay couples should be allowed to marry. I also think that any sport that makes me laugh more than worry about the competition is not really a sport. I'm looking in Curlings direction, too.

Cheney's Hunting Journals

2006-02-16T05:56:00.000-05:00

Since I've been sitting on my ass and not commenting on the whole "Cheney Shooting Old Guy In The Face" thing, it's lucky for us that one of our many sources here at Spacefarm has made sure to send us a copy of Dick Cheney's hunting journal. Inside it are a bunch of entries detailing his many hunting excursions, and we present, unedited, some of those right here.

July 9th, 1983: aaaarggh! Today we hunted at a resort in California, courtesy of Ronald aaarghReagan. I had hoped we would be able to shoot more of those blacks in chains, but instead we were hunting deer. We all drank a lot of beer, and then we drove in Rumsfeld's new Ferrari (pretty fast!) over to where the deer were chained up. I taunted mine with rocks, and hit it in the gut with the butt of my rifle a few times before I shot it in the neck. I love how they gurgle and struggle when they die. I would have made a great soldier if I wasn't such a coward!!

October 17th, 1990: I awoke in my tent around 5 a.m., to sounds of grunting outside. I had camped in territory not normal for the area, and when I stepped from my shelter, I could tell I was not wanted. A giant buffalo was standing not more than 30 yards from me, and he had me in his sights. I stared down the beast, and we sized one another up. He was a great and terrifying creature, and his grunts sent a wave of fear into my loins. I managed to pick up my rifle, containing the buckshot I had ground myself from a viking sword, and he then leapt into action, running towards me. I waited until I could see into his eyes - nay, his soul - and then I fired, straight into his heart. I could almost feel the great creature escape his body and into heaven, and I was truly thankful for the chance to truly feel alive.

Okay, that's all crap - today we all got drunk at this ranch in Wyoming, and then we all took turns shooting a buffalo with a .22, until it finally lost a bunch of blood and died. Then we rode around on 4-wheelers. It was fun!!

February 12th, 2006: I shot an old lawyer who donated to our campaign in the face while trying to kill an overfed bird with its wings clipped. He was glad for the priviledge. I am thankful to Cthulu for my life, and I know that my everlasting glory will be worth the eternity of fire. Praise to Cthulu!!!!

666,
Dick Cheney.

It's full of all sorts of stuff in that journal! I hope you enjoyed it.

What I Want For Christmas

2006-02-16T05:17:00.000-05:00

Hell yeah.

Exactly.

2006-02-07T07:04:00.000-05:00

Tom Tommorow, summing it up better than most.

You can go more in-depth with "This Modern World here and here.

Man Selling Book Makes Wild Claims

2006-02-07T05:32:00.000-05:00

We can all realize that, when someone's selling a book, wild claims can be made. You know, like that they actually shot horse tranquilizers into their eyeballs, or that Dr. Phil is actually qualified to help people lose weight, or even that a magical being created the Universe in seven days.

Well, in a story I have only seen on my local media, for some reason, a former Iraqi general has written a book containing claims that there were WMD's in the country, prior to America's invasion.

Clickety!

I would take this with a grain of salt, and, last I checked, our military had yet to find anything. And you can be sure that the Administration would parade even the components around like crazy, if they were actually discovered.

The Slow March To Eternity

2006-02-07T05:19:00.000-05:00

If there's one thing that can suck up hours of your life, it's waiting on-hold for customer service reps. Nowadays, companies will go out of their way to make calling for service a no-win situation.

For instance, every month I pay my bills either online or via the phone. The reason I do this is, after ordering checks from my banking institution three times via both live clerks and on the phone, and being billed for those checks each time, I have yet to recieve any checks, after about a year. So, I pay the other way. Convenient!

Well, several of the companies have no online option, so I find myself on-hold, listening to shitty music, just so that I can have the priviledge of giving them my money.

Well, in my internet weavings, I came across this - a site dedicated to helping people to actually get a live human being as fast as possible.

Some of the tips I had known about, such as hitting "0" over and over again. It's amazing how, if you appear incompetent, you get service so much faster than if you actually have your shit together when you call. I love humanity!

GOD: "Let My Only - ONLY - Weakness Be A Caricature Intended For Humor!"

2006-02-06T15:05:00.000-05:00

I'm all for religious tolerance, but when you've got tens of thousands of people getting violent over cartoon images, not to mention that people are dead because of these protests, well, it's time to figure something out.

In addition to all these problems, we now also have a spectacularly stereotypical image of Muslim people going bonkers over something that shouldn't be such a reason for a call-to-arms. This is a particularly bad P.R. move, because it gives those rednecks in the backwater states - the same ones who live poor but vote Republican so that "Fags can't marry," - more proof that the idea that "them there brown peoples is all crazy and stupid!"

Sad.

Depart From Me, Ye Cursed!

Lazy. Just Plain Lazy.

2006-02-06T13:06:00.000-05:00

Well, once again I've found myself neglecting Spacefarm. I spent the better part of next week preparing for the benefit show that I played with Excelsior contributor Lola and my dad, along with one other group - my part of the stage setup, the drums, which are pictured above.

Of course, in that time we've seen a load of shenanigans, all of which deserve comment. In the next 24 hours, I will be a full-on Spacefarm dude. But you're going to have to wait a little bit longer.

Sorry.

Fuck Alito - Fuck the Democrats

2006-01-31T19:30:00.000-05:00

The Democrats can't even beat an unpopular nominee from an unpopular president in a country that supports freedom of choice. On the off chance that anyone official from the Democratic Party reads this, clean the shit out of your eyes and read on:

I'M SICK TO DEATH OF YOU ASSHOLES LOOSING. QUIT THROWING AWAY OUR FREEDOMS. FUCKING FIGHT BACK!

Bliss On Tap.

2006-01-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

Damn, I'm sorry. I've been pretty damn busy this week, so good 'ol Spacefarm got neglected again.

To make up for it, I give you, pure Hasselly goodness.

Ich Bein En Hassellhoff!

Click play on the screen, and get ready to party, baby. But I warn you: some things, once seen, can never be unseen.

Politicians? Crooked?!? NO!!!

2006-01-19T15:05:00.000-05:00

After about 10 years, the probe into President Clinton's former Housing Secretary is being wrapped up. And, the lead prosecutor is saying that the Clinton Administration blocked his efforts to gather information.

Well, holy shit. You mean, in a world where the Bush Administration pulls these shenanigans on an almost daily basis now, a lawyer is saying that he couldn't do his job because he was blocked by efforts from powerful people? Wow, I wonder what kind of shitbag would manipulate the system in such a way?

This is a shame that politics has to go this way, but of course, if we're counting bodies, I can't think of any instance in which Clinton manipulated information and outright lied which resulted in tens of thousands of people dying. Hmmmm....

Tears in heaven.

You Can Only Die If In Battle, Fighting For Oil

2006-01-18T05:24:00.000-05:00

What is the Right-Wing obsession with pretending to care about life? The newest assisted suicide battle has thankfully ended with American people still *gasp* getting to make their own choices, but I think we all find it ridiculous for a party that has no remorse about tens of thousands of people getting killed in a pointless war to worry about a few sick and old people who would like to decide when they're going to pass away.

I'm too old for this shit!

It's shit like this that's made me say it before, and say it again - when I get older, I'm going to become a Thai Kick Boxer. Then you know you're gonna go out in style, baby.

We Must Rebuild Vanilla Idaho

2006-01-17T09:57:00.000-05:00

Mayor Nagin of New Orleans has called for the the rebuild of "chocolate" New Orleans. That's all well and good, but MAN! I wish I could say something like that about my heritage.

Smoov.

Because, it doesn't sound cool to call something "vanilla," unless you were a Coca-Cola about two years ago. Other than that, if something's vanilla, it's boring as hell. You wouldn't ask someone if they wanted some "Vanilla Love," or that you were going to dip them in your "Vanilla Sauce." It just don't work.

But anyway - here's hoping that New Orleans can get rebuilt, preferably without Applebees locations and Target stores everywhere. But my hopes aren't high.

edit: edited to correct my somehow horrible spelling of "Mayor." Mahor? What the hell was I doing when I wrote that?

Award Show Gayness

2006-01-16T11:50:00.000-05:00

I've never been big into award shows, but I am somewhat interested to see what happens at the Golden Globes tonight, as far as "Brokeback Mountain" is concerned.

Story.

For those who have not seen the film, it is a very well-made and touching depiction of two men who fall in love with one another but remain closeted, presumably because it's the mid-60's and they're supposed to be rugged cowboys. The film deals with the labels with which the men decide to stick to themselves, and the restrictions that society places on things that some consider "weird." Oh, and there's definitely some hot man-on-man action, too.

Well, I'm wondering if, and this is just an "if," right now - if "Brokeback Mountain" gets a bunch of rewards, will it be a parade of the Bill O'Reilly's and the Rush Limbaughs talking about how Hollywood is out-of-touch with America, for rewarding a movie about two people who are OBVIOUSLY going to Hell for their actions? Or can the film be accepted as a piece of art, and not have to be politicized? We all know the right-wingers can't help but go kookoo about this stuff, so I'm going to have to put my money on Controversy. We'll see, we'll see.

Mmmmm, Sexies!

2006-01-16T11:40:00.000-05:00

Because I'm aware that not everyone spends each and every day following my web exploits, I'm just adding this link to my account over at Flickr. That's where I store a good chunk of my personal photos, including the one above from my New Year's party, which Brylock attended.

Bring the sex!

The link was available over at my Myspace spot, but I'm including it here now for those who want to give it a glimpse.

Oh, and for those Spacefarmers who don't know, Brylock has a blog of his own, to which he is the sole contributor, and he has recently begun posting anew there as well, not to mention a solid backlog of older material, for anyone who wants to keep reading the work of the minds behind Spacefarm.

Croutons for Crackheads

Don't say I never gave you nothin'.

Problem: Country With Oil Possibly Working For Nuclear Power. Solution: GET BOMBING!!

2006-01-16T11:31:00.000-05:00

I find it amazing that when a country that JUST HAPPENS to have oil underneath it's ground starts to look as though they're possibly/kinda-sorta/just maybe working on a nuclear program, it very quickly becomes time to force sanctions and talk about bombing.

Fire!

The rest of the world's leaders now know that they're gonna have to work fast, in order to stop the Bushco Oil Monkeys from making up their excuses to just plain move in. I'd say that Bush would have to plan on invasion in about a year, so the rest of the world knows they have to squash it by the summer, or the ball will be rolling, and then Bush and Co. will have yet another country filled with dead brown people and an ever-growing number of dying white boys from Alabama, and control of another huge source of oil that they have no intention of ever relinquishing.

Oh, and I hear Korea is really nice this time of year.

My Sexy Card.

2006-01-15T15:09:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd post this here, since not all of Spacefarm's readers are Myspace readers as well.

This is my YMCA membership card. It was taken about a year ago, and I'm pretty proud of it. And every single time I punch in to the gym, the person at the desk gets to have that image pop up real nice and big on their computer screen. It makes me smile every time.

Enjoy.

Goodbye, Drunk-Dialing.

2006-01-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

It appears that people in Bangledesh have no desire to recieve late-night drunken calls, or at least they don't want their kids doing it.

Hit it!.

Hey, if you can't pick up your phone late at night and use it to have dirty conversations with people who are miles away, what are you supposed to do for fun late at night? Sleep? Those old ladies aren't gonna call themselves and breathe heavy, goddammit!

It's also interesting that all the people really want is for the "free calls after midnight" program to be shut down, whereas the phone companies think it's ridiculous - which it is.

Oh, what people will do to stop their kids from touching other people's genitals.

Asleep at the Switch

2006-01-15T14:52:00.000-05:00

pictured: Brylock and myself enjoying a vigorous game of naked wrestling at the pool of the "Male Only" resort we vacationed at over the holidays.

Anyway, sorry for the lack of updates from yours truly. It's been a hectic few weeks. As always, you can find my usual blatherings about myself over at my Myspace page.

But, we've begun a New Year here at Spacefarm, and we're also coming up on our first-year anniversary! So, keep stopping by and we'll see if we can't blast through the 600 posts mark. Even though things have been quiet lately, I'd like to see another blog (especially one without advertising) manage to post 600 entries in one year. That's pretty sweet, or pathetic, depending on how you look at it. Well, we're almost there.

Thanks for your support, and from all of us at Spacefarm - groovy.

Best. Excuse. Ever!

2006-01-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

A prisoner in California has requested that his death sentence be stopped because - he's too old.

Here.

Of course, we here at Spacefarm are not advocates of the Death Penalty, but this is pretty ridiculous. Of course, with our legal system the way it is, first there will have to be about nine pounds of paperwork filed, judges will have to hear arguments, lawyers will have to make money - in other words, a bunch of crap at the taxpayer's expense.

So, if anything isn't this a great argument to end the damn penalty?!? Let him, along with the other murderers and rapists, sit in a jail cell for 80 years. It costs a lot less than it does to deal with all the appeals and to hire lawyers for these bastards.

But that's still funny - I can't die, I'm too old.

The Awesome Display of Consent.

2006-01-15T14:37:00.000-05:00

This past week's progression of Judge Alito from nominee to more-than-likely Justice of the Supreme Court has been nothing, if not a shining example of how the kid with the bigger stick will always get the lunch money.

Also, this story even shows that certain Dems who don't want anything to do with Alito are already acknowledging that any action, such as a Filibuster, would probably just delay the inevitable.

But remember, if and when things like Roe V. Wade are gone, be sure to wag your finger in the face of every Redneck, Bush-voting asshole who has to bury their daughter, because their Jesus-loving, good American girl got pregnant and decided to get an abortion with a coat hanger. We won't know anything for sure until he's actually serving, but the court has changed, dramatically.

George W. Bush Deems Consent of the Governed Unnecessary

2006-01-04T21:01:00.000-05:00

George W. Bush has made a slew(17) of recess appointments today, removing the Constitutional power/duty/right of the people's representatives to debate and give consent on the appointees. I understand that Presidents have done this in the past; Ronald Reagan, Bush's "hero" did it 240 times during his eight years in office. Problem is, this is not to provide a "continuity of service", as their own publications claim. It is a blatant move to unashamedly instill patently unqualified patronage appointees (some openly antagonistic towards the agency or department they will now be in charge of) in positions they would never be allowed to have under the scrutiny of the United States Senate, including putting Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff's Chief of Staff's wife Julie L. Myers to be Assistant Secretary of the Homeland Security Bureau of Immigration and Customs Enforcement. What's that? Oh yeah, she's Air Force Gen. Richard B. Myers, the former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff's niece as well. Her qualifications include: working as a lawyer (never in a large bureaucracy or with immigration law) and working as a personal assistant to George W. Bush. Once again, it is painfully apparent that, not only didn't Bush learn anything from the Michael Brown disaster in New Orleans; he thinks the problem isn't the incompetence of his appointees, it's that Congress won't let him have his way! Let's have a look at what was going on with Mrs. Myers' nomination, back when the Senate was considering it, you know, before George took the throne:

Concerns over Myers, 36, were acute enough at a Senate hearing last week that lawmakers asked the nominee to detail during her testimony her postings and to account for her management experience. Sen. George V. Voinovich (R-Ohio) went so far as to tell Myers that her resume indicates she is not qualified for the job. (Washington Post)

And that's not all folks, he's nominated people to other important (especially while we have two wars going on, remember) positions such as:

Gordon England, Deputy Secretary of Defense- Hey, he's got a degrees in electrical engineering and business administration! Qualifications include: Years of Experience at General Dynamics! A few years as Secretary of the Navy with no military experience whatsoever!
Dorrance Smith, Assistant Secretary of Defense (Public Affairs)- Noted sycophant and event planner! Oversaw ABC political reporting during the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal! Suggested we go to war with Qatar because he doesn't like Al Jazzera!
Ellen R. Sauerbrey, Assistant Secretary of State (Population, Refugees, and Migration)- Our former joke of an Ambassador to the UN's council on Woman's Rights! Universally reviled for pushing Bush's nonfunctional bullshit abstinence-only program to control AIDS in Africa! No experience at all in Refugee or Migration affairs, or in international emergency management, yet would control a 700 million dollar budget expressly for those purposes!
Tracy A. Henke, Executive Director of the Office of State and Local Government Coordination and Preparedness at the Department of Homeland Security- Noted racism denier/obfuscator! Famous for hiding facts regarding high incidence of police using force against blacks and Hispanics while in the Bureau of Justice Statistics! Demoted those who thought (rightly) that this was somehow wrong!
Robert D. Lenhard, Member of the Federal Election Commission- Part of the legal team that attempted to get McCain-Feingold overturned, now put in charge of enforcing it! A fox to guard the hen house! Husband of Viveca Novak, noted insider press whore!
Hans Von Spakovsky, Member of the Federal Election Commission- Lawyer responsible for the purging of felons from state voter rolls resulting in the massive disenfrancisement of legal black voters.

Floyd Hall, Amtrak Reform Board- CEO of two(!) companies that went bankrupt, K-Mart and Museum Co.! Contributed over $360,000 to Bush campaigns in "soft money"!

Enrique J. Sosa, Amtrak Reform Board- PhD in Agriculture! Quoted as having "never ridden on an Amtrak train before his appointment"!

It's obvious why the government is falling apart. This is like staffing an extermination company with termites.

Bio info thanks to Source Watch

We did do some good things.

2006-01-02T15:48:00.000-05:00

Overall, Oklahoma can suck. But, we did make the best of things while we were there and this is one of them. Returning to the OKC bombing site and now memorial. Words can't really describe the thoughts you have in a place like this. Its something that I would urge everyone to take advantage of if you are ever in the area. It brings some things pretty close to home and you can have your own conclusions about the effects of terror, politics, and human compassion and life. This was our second time visiting and it still brings all the emotions back.

We did some other great stuff. We went to the zoo, omniplex science musuem, state capitol, botanical gardens. We saw King Kong on the largest screen in OK, drank and ate a lot and spent quite a bit of time in the Bricktown area of Downtown which was awesome. We had great weather and enjoyed the sun. I hope everyone else had a nice holiday season. Best to you.

Why yes, Oklahoma does suck!

2006-01-02T15:26:00.000-05:00

After my seemingly too long of a trip in OK the last week I have come to a conclusion that I keep reciting in my head. "Boy I am glad I am not a fucking Conservative whack job living in the south, bound by the teachings of a church that calls themselves Covered by the blood of Jesus. Ho.Lee.Shit. Mark and I were driving by this mess and I had to turn around to snap a pic of this shit. So funny I knew you all wouldn't believe it. The winner of the week was a quote by Marks 800 pound uncle. "Darwin? Darwin?! I bet he is burnin' in hell with all the other sinners. How can someone say that we evolved from things like monkeys or somethin? They are just scared of havin faith like us good christians. Don't worry, they will all face their maker in the end."

Pretty sure that after I cleaned the shit out of my pants after hearing that load of crap and looked around the redneck room, surveying all of the other obese family members with missing teeth, hairy arms, backs, and faces-farting and burping like animals in a zoo I agreed even more with Darwins ideas. And, if Darwin is in magic hell land it sounds better than that night. That night hell was being in oklahoma, sitting with a bunch of stinky fat fuckers all sipping on their big gulps filled with soda and ordering their wives to retrieve them another bologna sandwhich. I am not even kidding with any of this. It happened. I shudder again. It happened. Welcome back to blue state livin' fuckers!

Have a Gay Christmas! Cock-A-Doodle-Doo!

2005-12-27T06:27:00.000-05:00

Well, I hope you all got what you wanted for X-mas. Things are good here around Spacefarm, as we prepare for the New Year. Also, we're coming up on Spacefarm's 1-year anniversary, and hopefully we can get our posting schedule back up - although, probably not at the 8-per-day rate that we saw in the early days - hell, we've got shit to do, people - unless you want to start spending money on Spacefarm, then we'll talk.

Anyway, thanks for the support over the last months, and keep clicking to Spacefarm. I hope to post something meaningful later today.

Ho-Ho-Ho!

2005-12-21T08:22:00.000-05:00

Well, both Brylock and myself have been busy this holiday, ummmm...drinking. Yeah.

Okay, no we haven't. But we have plenty of other things going on, and it's been a bit hectic. I won't go into it here, since I don't do that on Spacefarm anymore (once again, if you want to know my day-to-day piddly shit, go to this site) but stuff's busy! It's X-mas!

Anyway, here's some holiday cheer, in the form of a Derf cartoon. Fore more of Derf, check out his site. Groovy.

Joe Biden, Fuck Off.

2005-12-16T05:48:00.000-05:00

"Hi, I just pulled this finger out of George W's ass!"

Senator Biden really needs to find another party to join. He clearly disagrees with the Democrat postion on the war, and goes out of his way to suck W's knob on television at every opportunity.

Yeah, That's Probably Best.

2005-12-15T11:21:00.000-05:00

The Illinois Supreme Court has thrown out a multi-million dollar verdict against the Phillip Morris tobacco company. The lawsuit stated that the firm had misled customers into thinking that "light" cigarettes were better for them than the normals.

Story here.

At some point, people are going to have to take responsibility for their own actions. Especially when it comes to tobacco - there are no benefits to the use of tobacco, except for that temporary little bit you get while you're using it. If you actually think that any cigarettes are good for you, then please, smoke a bunch, and make sure you don't live long enough to have more stupid babies.

Yet Another Reason...

2005-12-15T11:12:00.000-05:00

Well, the story has arrived that Microsoft is revealing that there is a major flaw in their OS (operating system, for non-nerds) that could allow for massive amounts of damage to be done to a person's system.

Story here.

They have released a patch to help aid this problem, but woe be the person who has no idea what's going on. Poor Windows users.

And before Brylock starts commenting on this - yes, Brylock, I know that you've never had this problem, and you can bring up that my computer was all messed up not that long ago, but it currently works AMAZING, and I haven't heard of a massive problem with an Apple product unless you count the fact that iPods are only designed for about 3 years of life - but if you start looking at most major computer manufacturers, they intend for you to buy a new PC machine every 2, so Steve Jobs can have his $250 every few years.

I'm sticking with Apple. Woo-Hoo!

HOLIDAY Wishes

2005-12-12T11:48:00.000-05:00

Just like last year, Bill O'Reilly is making himself out to be the greatest defender of Christmas that ever existed. Surely, he's fighting the Grinch, the Winter Warlock, The HeatMeister, and of course, those godlesss ACLU bastards that won't stop talking about banning Christmas. Yeah, right.

He's also going nuts with the "Merry Christmas" vs. "Happy Holidays" bullshit. I'm sure our readers know how stupid this is, and there's not much reason to go into it.

But, it would be awfully funny to, as Tom Tommorow at This Modern World suggests, to send Bill and his staff some "Happy Holiday" cards. Hopefully, the pompous windbag will pop a gasket and his head will explode.

The address:
1211 Avenue of the Americas
New York, NY, 10036-8795

Feel free.

The Man Who Leads America On The Constitution

2005-12-12T05:13:00.000-05:00

From multiple sources from a meeting filled with Republicans, comes this comment on Bush's sentiment towards the Constitution of the United States: "It's Just A Goddamned Piece of Paper."

Story here.

And if this is true, then it's worthy of impeachment. As if he hadn't done enough at this point.

Sleepy.

2005-12-07T16:36:00.000-05:00

For some reason, I just can't put together a decent post this week. Hopefully in the next couple of days. It's just been one of those weeks, I guess.

Talk to you later.

I can't believe we haven't linked this before.

2005-12-01T16:02:00.000-05:00

I can't believe that, in all the months of Spacefarm, we have never linked to perhaps the greatest example of Japanese advertising ever created.

Anyway,

Super-Advertise Powers GO!!!

Prepare for your brains to ooze out of your ears, and for you to never, ever be able to use anything but Kikkoman Soy sauce ever again.

Why Myspace is Bad For You.

2005-11-29T14:58:00.000-05:00

Need I say more?

Ughh.....I think that made every boner I ever had cry.

Wow, I'd Never Believe A Republican Capable Of That.

2005-11-29T11:27:00.000-05:00

Who'da thunk it? A Republican Congressman, long revered for his honorable service and dedication to morality and the perseverence of American ideals, has now admitted to being responsible for years and years of bribes and shenanigans.

Check it out here.

The higher up they stick their nose while claiming to be virtuous, the farther they fall when they finally get caught being lying bastards.

Hooray! America Rules!!

2005-11-29T11:16:00.000-05:00

Good work, America! We're about to celebrate our 1,000th execution since the Supreme Court re-instated it in the mid-70's! Yippee!!

Story here.

The best part is, as of Monday, we had only executed 997 people, but we have five - FIVE - people all over the country who are up for their deaths this week, so we know we're gonna pass the thousand mark. Good work, America. Of course, the penalty has been proven to not actually hold any threat to violent criminals, and it costs tens of thousands of dollars of taxpayer money to hold a death-row inmate for ten years than it does a violent life-time criminal in jail for fifty years, but, hey, you gotta have closure, right?

And nothing says closure like violent spasms caused by a chemical injection that shuts down a person's heart, especially when there have been proven cases of innocence in death-row cases in the past 20 years.

Just thought our readers would like to know.

Yeah, You're Pretty Persecuted.

2005-11-28T07:09:00.000-05:00

It's been my experience that one of the few pastimes that the Bible-Beaters love more than judging and persecuting others is claiming that they're being persecuted for their beliefs.

For evidence of this, check out this site.

And hey - I don't care who you worship. Peter Pan, Humpty Dumpty, the lord Boognish, whatever - just don't allow your beliefs and practices cause big affects into my life, and we'll be fine. I manage to keep my pre-marital sex, alcohol and recreational drug use and non-Jesus mindset out of your day. Keep your stuff out of mine, and you can do whatever you want. Enjoy.

Thanksgiving Weekend

2005-11-26T12:13:00.000-05:00

Well, it's a holiday weekend, and that means that the staff of the "Excelsior" are all dining on turkey and will likely be absent from their posting duties.

That includes me. Have a safe and fun holiday weekend. We'll talk to you on Monday.

Peace, bitches!!

The Future Is....Not Really Here, So Much

2005-11-22T14:20:00.000-05:00

Well, it's here - The Xbox 360.

I've written here before about how much I enjoy my Xbox, especially the online "Live" capability, and I think that the 360 - is probably gonna be this next-gen's "Dreamcast" - a failure, for those who aren't in the know with the video games.

The race to be first is understandable, especially with the Jesus-Mas buy-a-thon going on, but the two variations on the package to buy, and the lack of games equals shit.

I mean, if there's a Halo on there, I'll eventually buy one, yeah. But I'm gonna wait until it's gone down in price about $200 or so.

So - if you want to buy me one, sure, do it up. But I won't be picking one up for myself anytime soon.

Further Proof That Record Companies Are Fucking Stupid.

2005-11-17T12:22:00.000-05:00

In an effort to control the copying of music, Sony/BMG tried putting a new security measure onto all their outgoing product. Of course, attached to that was a program that was intended to inform Sony of the listener's habits and then send it via the web back to Sony, so they could attempt to further "penetrate" the market.

Oh, something is being penetrated here, that's for sure. Check it out here.

So much b.s. is going into trying to protect music from being copied illegally, it's getting ridiculous. Although I do think that my generation will be the last to ever carry around books of cd's, let alone have a crate of records in the house, the only way that the music companies can hope to survive is to embrace the digital age. They were certainly happy enough to embrace it when CD's first came out, and they stuck an $18 sticker on them, even though they cost as much to make as a cassette tape.

Personally, I'm going to make an effort not to purchase any Sony/BMG music for a while.

Yes - That IS dishonest and Misleading, Mr. Cheney.

2005-11-17T12:13:00.000-05:00

Vice President Cheney has had some tough words for those who are criticizing the administration lately, and it's part of the usual agenda. When they've done something wrong, rather than ever take the blame for the problem, they just re-direct the anger to someone else, and put them on the defensive. It's pretty much like having the spouse from hell as your country's leader, but then clone them a bunch of times:

"Honey, why didn't you wash the dishes like you said you would?"
"I think you're being dishonest and misleading - Besides, It's Clinton's fault that they didn't get clean!"

Anyway, check it out over here.

Also, is it just me, or does Cheney continue to look more and more like the bad guy in a cheap spy movie?

Bush Bitchslapped By His Own Posse

2005-11-15T17:21:00.000-05:00

Today the Senate passed an amendment to a defense bill that asks Bush very politely to get the fuck off of his ass and finish this fucking war up. This amendment was passed after defeating a Democrat sponsored version that said damn near exactly the same thing, but the Republicans thought it would look bad for them to allow the Democrats to be the ones bitchslapping the President. This pretty clearly shows that the Repukes have their nuts in a vice over the war. They may support it, but their constituencies don't, and they don't want to lose control of congress in '06. They've looked into the President's eyes and realized, "that's not a glint of steel, that's the reflected headlights of an oncoming Mac truck".
Then, Donald Rumsfeld said something stupid. Really, you ask? Oh yes, he did. Rummy's comment (paraphrasing):

' We send blahbitty flibity floop (900 I think) reports to congress every year. This makes me wonder if anyone is bothering to read them.'

If he'd only said that sooner, I could have set my mind at ease two years ago. The problem isn't the fact that your shitty post-war planning cost 2000+ soldiers their lives to create two brand spanking new Islamic Theocracies- including one where one didn't exist in the first place- sparking a healthy insurgency, providing a breeding ground for new terrorists and generating hatred of the US all over the world, it's that the Senate doesn't read enough of your reports. My bad. It makes so much more sense when you put it that way, Rummy.
Meanwhile Harry Reid puts things in perspective, calling it a "vote of no confidence" in the President. Thanks for locating your cojones, Reid. Keep it up.

Yeah, That Doesn't Help, Douche-Bag.

2005-11-15T13:31:00.000-05:00

So, nominee to the Supreme Court Mr. Alito did write some anti-abortion statements in the past 20 years, despite his comments to the contrary.

Here.

In his explanation, he says that he wrote and said what he did, because it was a political job, and he needed to fit the requirements of that particular partisan organization.

So, he said and did what he had to to get the job. Hmmmm...sounds like a great candidate, and someone we should really believe when he says things to make him seem better suited to the post. Totally.

AAAAARRRGGGHHHH

2005-11-11T08:12:00.000-05:00

Damn you MySpace! I was out of the office yesterday and just wanted to check my page, see what my homies had written, see who wanted to be my friend. I have very few friends in real life and I need the self esteem boost every morning when a computer friend wants to join my awesome group. And then, just when I get my hopes up, I get, "MySpace is currently experiencing difficulties. We will be back up shortly." Well you know what? I can only roll myself over twice a day to check my messages so damn it, I need my fix! Fuckin' MySpace. I'm a junkie, I need my fix.

Good Comix

2005-11-10T00:49:00.000-05:00

I just found a hilarious comic called Bigger Than Cheeses. Essential reading.

U.S. Used White Phosphorus in Iraq

2005-11-09T16:51:00.000-05:00

White Phosphorus is a chemical agent that is also commonly used as a flare, due to the brightness with which it burns. The U.S. military claims that the WP was only used for this purpose, yet the video circulated by the Italian media shows a helicopter firing repeated bursts of WP at a ground target. These bursts aren't the slowly falling single flares, instead I was reminded of a large 4th of July firework going off about 40-50 ft. in the air, repeatedly over the same position, showering it with brilliant, fast-moving particles. The video also features a former US marine who claims to have seen WP (or Wily Pete in military parlance) used offensively. The use of WP is not specifically banned by Geneva conventions, however according to Wikipedia:

...the Convention on Conventional Weapons (Protocol III) prohibits the use of incendiary weapons against civilian populations or by air attack against military forces that are located within concentrations of civilians.

We of course have not signed Protocol III, even though we are party to the Convention.

Grain of Salt Disclaimer- I am not familiar enough with the Italian media to know exactly how much credence to give their reporting. I do, however, know that the US military has a pretty sizable truth problem. Take it as you will.

Watch the video here. (Warning: Contains Gruesome Shit)

Mail From Morons

2005-11-09T13:13:00.000-05:00

It's always a pleasure to get mail from the viewing public when you work in media. Here's a lovely letter recieved very recently, from a concerned, informed citizen. And by informed, I mean they think that Geena Davis is president.

Dear ******* -

Who there is responsible for the INCESSANT news feeds, Voting polls and idiotic weather map (ooh, scary, a t-storm watch!) that keep running across the bottom of my screen?

I pay a TON of money every month just to have decent reception. Tell me why I want to know who won the Muskegon election (I don't live there) or give a HOOT about non-threatening weather in the U.P. (I don't live there either) WHEN I'M TRYING TO WATCH MY FAVORITE PROGRAM????

You guys are not MSNBC, or even close. You're an entertainment channel, at best.

WILL YOU PLEASE QUIT FORCING THIS CRUD ON US when we're trying to watch Commander-In-Chief?

It's damned annoying.

At least this one spells things correctly and actually bothers with punctuation and grammar. The real draw here is the sheer redneck anger. Because the anger of rednecks amuses me.

I Command You.

2005-11-08T05:48:00.000-05:00

It's that time again - time to vote, even if the election isn't for President, Governor or just if you're an old person who's determined to fight that slight tax increase that would get school kids new books or safe playground equipment.

So, make sure to be informed, and if there's an election in your area, make sure to stop by and make your vote.

Also, I really think that most people should know about their voting status, polling location, etc., but I've found that quite a few people have no idea at some of the resources available to them on the web. So, you can try here for some info, if you like.

Pirates Thwarted By Sonic Death Ray

2005-11-08T02:45:00.000-05:00

No shit. The pirates were repelled using a weapon created by the U.S. Military after the Cole was bombed. Sorry the graphic is lame. They can't all be lightsaber wielding squirrels. On the plus side, I was listening to Ween's Poop Ship Destroyer when I made it. Coincidence? I think not.

Full Story

Oh. My. God.

2005-11-07T16:15:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to stay away from the "Chick Tracts," as they're called, but I found one that is pretty amazing. Yes, it's from the above clip.

Here.

I apologize in advance if I eat up 9,000 more hours of your life by sending you there.

Hmmm, I Thought It Was Warmer Than Usual...

2005-11-07T13:30:00.000-05:00

Well, it appears that even though the best scientists that the oil companies can buy have been telling us that all signs point to no such thing as global warming, we are in fact seeing things warming up over our entire planet.

Story here.

We'll see if the story makes it's way to the mainstream media. You'd think the fact that our average temperatures for each month has been steadily going up for the past few decades would be enough of a clue. The big problem is our dependance on oil, and not to mention the fact that it's awfully difficult to cut down on big-business pollution when we're being forced to cut their taxes like crazy just to keep the factories in America.

But if we want to ever be able to wear more than a g-string in a hundred years, we're going to have to figure something out.

PIRATES!!!

2005-11-05T12:34:00.000-05:00

Just in time for a spooky holiday, a cruise liner has suffered an attack by, of all things, pirates!

Story here.

I know I shouldn't joke about people having to fight for their lives.

But, it's PIRATES!!! Tee-hee.

Gather In Front Of The Ol' Timey Picture Box

2005-11-03T05:27:00.000-05:00

Being someone who works in media, I'm always intrigued when a local media source attempts to do something interesting, and even something which may have a benefit other than ad revenue.

Tonight, West Michigan news source WOOD tv (the NBC affiliate) is airing a special on racism in the area, bringing together a variety of people from all over into a discussion - the black business man, the stay-at-home, six kids dumpy white woman, the rich white dude who thinks blacks and puerto ricans commit all crimes, everywhere - you know, the whole pastiche of characters.

It airs at 7 p.m., so at the least, if you plan on watching your usual nine hundred episodes of "Friends," you'll have to watch one of the other 40 stations that syndicates the show.

WOOD's Website.

Yeah - He'll Listen.

2005-11-03T05:17:00.000-05:00

Coming fresh from the "Doesn't Make A Difference" desk at CNN, they've offered people a forum to give advice to George W. Bush to keep America crack-a-lackin'.

Of course, the idea that Bush is going to take advice from anyone who doesn't have a billion-dollar check in their hand, or doesn't at least have the deaths of 1 million brown people on their resume, is pretty ridiculous, so it's mostly just an opportunity to remind ourselves that, more and more, people are getting pissed off about Bush and his cronies.

The best, though, is reading the wingnuts' responses - "He shouldn't do anything. Democrats need to look at their party - that's what's wrong with America."

Uhhhhhhh......yeah. Despite a brief period in the mid-90's, Democrats have barely had control of any branch of government since 1960. America has been deeply conservative since then - hell, if you put Nixon on a ticket now, most Republicans would call him a damn commie, compared to the slant nowadays.

So I love how they follow the party line - "Dems 'R' stupid," "Dems 'R' Hippies," "Rush Said So," "I'd Buy O'Reilly's Book If I Could Read," "I pooped my pants while tying my shoes," etc.

Anyway. Check it out.

No Fair! No Fair!

2005-11-01T13:39:00.000-05:00

Tom Delay's lawyers are now tying to get the judge, who happens to be a Democrat, kicked off of the case, to "Avoid any appearance of bias."

The case is set to be tried in Texas, which, as we all know, is about as hard to find a Democrat in as it is to find something to drink that doesn't say "Bud" on it if you're in the redneck state. His lawyers are even admitting that the judge hasn't done anything wrong, nor does he have a history of bias in trying cases.

This is just another case of the Republicans trying to keep it as crony-filled as possible. Because I'll lay a ton of cash that finding another Democratic judge in Texas is not going to be easy, and even if it did come up, they'll just petition again, until they get someone they like, who will put forth an effort into making sure that Delay comes away not only clean, but demanding apologies and money from all the slaves that his family owned two hundred years ago. What will he want to have them apologize for?

For dying so young. They were supposed to be able to pick for fifty years, dammit!

"I want my reparations," Delay will scream, "And I demand that my face now be on the hundred-dollar bill, instead of that fat faggot Franklin!"

Once they get a foot, they head straight to the mile, this bunch.

Al Roker, Blogging

2005-11-01T09:11:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if this is real or not, but I'm pretty mystified if Al Roker is actually keeping a blog. Check it out for yourself.

The thing I found interesting was that the newest entry was in reference to the incident where he was standing outside in a hurricane and got knocked over, and he goes on to say that print journalists are just upset that they're not as relevant. Gutsy shit for a national guy like that to write, and I would be surprised if it actually came from Roker's mouth.

Anyway, there you go.

Alito Power, GO!!!

2005-10-31T20:06:00.000-05:00

I have yet to make a complete opinion about Bush's new nominee, Samuel Alito, to the Supreme Court.

I know they're going for someone like John Roberts, who I think most people would be hard-pressed to disagree with as being a solid and intelligent nominee - of course, we have yet to see him on the bench.

But so far, Alito appears to be one of those judges who think that the court doesn't have the power to restrict things - you know, things like machine gun control, or to enforce racial laws. Of course, he does think that preventing women from having abortions is COMPLETELY under the court's jurisdiction. So, he's pretty much sounding like the standard right-wing scumfuck bastard.

There's more research to be done, but that's my initial reaction. Take it for what you will, and read for yourself. Because sometimes I'm kinda stupid.

Sad...

2005-10-31T19:58:00.000-05:00

But more than likely, probably very, very true.

It's getting awfully easy to get psyched about the possibility that some of these facist, lying, money-grubbing bastards are going to be marched into court, be slammed with the outright illegallity of their deeds and spend plenty of time in some horrible federal prison getting bitchified by some giant dude with anger issues, but we have to remember that this is outright the most corrupt, crony-filled government we've ever seen in American history.

Probably the only way we're going to get our wish is if we manage to win back one of the houses in '06. So start getting ready to fight, because it's going to be a big one. We need the Senate or House back to make any of this work. The cronies might talk smack about one another if they don't get all the bridges they want, but they're not going to start convicting - because they all helped bury all the bodies to get where they are.

Judge Dredd

2005-10-31T19:54:00.000-05:00

Meet the new distraction from Bush's failures, and proof positive of our President's bootlicking servility to moronic religio-crazy fucknuts. Atrios and Kos both have the relevant info, so I thought I'd provide a little future history for everyone here. I see it going down like this:

The usual bullshit at the beginning of the hearings. Bush is going to have to thumb his nose hard at the Democrats to make up for what a pussy he's been these last couple of weeks, particularly the Miers thing. Expect the whole document disclosure rigamarole, etc.
Democrats will filibust the fuck out of this dipshit. They had fucking better, or I'm going back to voting for Nader. I see no point in sticking up for people who refuse to fight. This is make or break time, bitches. Hillary, I'm looking at you. I fully expect some ridiculous camera footage of Sen. Byrd or someone reading children's' books or Mad magazine or something to continue what I expect to be a mammoth filibuster.
Republicans will bitch, but will not be able to muster the votes to overcome a united Dem. Filibuster. We will have to endure more bullshit "news" coverage on the "Nuclear Option" a.k.a. "re-writing the rules so we always win no matter what". It's hard to say what the Republicans will do at this point, but I'm guessing with their poll numbers way way way the hell down, they won't be dumb enough drop the newkyoolar opshun, since a Republican minority looks very real in the near future (see you in '06, whores).
Alito will be forced to withdraw, and there will be much hemming and hawing, and the President will have another chance to look Presidential, and he will finally have something he can truthfully blame on the Democrats for once.
Alberto Gonzales will be nominated, and sail through the proceedings. Don't get me wrong, I think Gonzales is a torturing, lying, git, but he's a damn sight less scary than Alito, and probably our best possible outcome under this pseudo-President.
Democrat Majority in the Senate in '06 (please please oh Vishnu please).

Fitzmas Greetings to All!

2005-10-28T19:52:00.000-04:00

Enjoy your Fitzmas present.

And Out Come The Wolves

2005-10-28T14:17:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to add a picture, but Blogger is making it pretty difficult, but there are pictures in the link. So if you gotta have 'em, so be it - click the link.

Anyway, does it seem to anyone else that "scooter" Libby is just fodder for the wolves, instead of someone who's actually got a hair on his ass worth going after?

His name hadn't even come up until recently, and I have a sneaking suspicion that it was decided when the inquiry began that all paths would lead to someone - someone higher up, with connections to the top - who would take the fall for all of the traitorous shenanigans.

This thing is pretty damn big, and I think that Libby is just gonna be the fall guy.

Goodbye, Bitch!!

2005-10-27T12:00:00.000-04:00

Harriet Miers has withdrawn herself as the nominee for the Supreme Court.

That's right. You get going.

It's not as though there was any threat of Miers ever getting near a Justice's robes, especially when hawks like Ann Coulter were even calling her a mistake, but at least now we won't have to go through the whole hearing process to find that out.

But now - who will be the new nominee? I'm guessing someone who could qualify as Scalia number two, who would like nothing better than to give women licenses for their uterus and outlaw cancer patients from ever dying. We'll see.

2,000 Soldiers Died For Islamic Theocracy

2005-10-26T00:15:00.000-04:00

So here we are, 2,000 casualties into Georgie's Iraqi misadventure, and we get the news from our good Democratic buddy Afghanistan, that an editor of a newspaper has been convicted of blasphemy, because he printed an article claiming that apostasy was not a crime under Islamic law.
Sweet.
Remember all that jazz about Afghans voting and purple thumbs and woman's rights etc, etc? Geez, it turns out it was all a bunch of neo-con wet dreams. Conservatives will say that this is a triumph of democracy because the prosecutor wanted the death penalty, or that it's a triumph because he actually got his day in court. Last time I checked, being in a democracy meant not going to jail for writing words that hurt nobody. It meant not going to jail for simply trying to have a discussion on the finer points of religious ideology.

Always remember that conservatives win when the people are uninformed, frightened, and undereducated.

Our soldiers are dying to install puppet governments that are going to treat their citizenry just as badly as their predecessors did, for the exact same dumbass religio-crazy reasons. Oh yeah, Saddam actually ran a secular government, so in that case, we're actually creating an Islamic theocracy where one didn't exist. But hey, Exxon will get a better price on crude! Yes!

The proof is in the prosecution, George- you're building our enemies of tomorrow, today.

Full sad fucking story, here.

R.I.P., Rosa Parks

2005-10-25T13:29:00.000-04:00

For those of you who never read or watch any news but Spacefarm, Mrs. Rosa Parks has passed away.

Rosa is one of the people responsible for putting a face to the civil rights movement, not to mention getting a good number of people riled up by refusing to give up her seat for a white dude.

She was also reportedly quite the crotchety bitch, but that only goes to show that anyone can decide to make changes in the world, if they have the desire, or are quite simply big enough of an asshole.

May she rest in peace.

Just Saying Hello

2005-10-24T13:27:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend, I was picking up a few essentials at a local massive grocery store. When I got out and was returning to my vehicle, someone had parked next to me, and their car grabbed my attention.

I'm not a "car guy," so it wasn't the vehicle itself. It was a few things; first off, it was a shitty, beat-up Toyota. Next, there was a big "W in '04" sticker on the back window. Third, there was a big Jesus fish symbol of the back bumper.

I got angry - I don't care that this person doesn't buy American, I don't care that they're religious, and I take offense with the fact that they voted for George W. Bush. But they're obviously voting that way because of a stupid religious reason, as though W. has a stamp on believing in god because he says that he hates faggots.

So, I wrote the person a note. Here's what it said:

"Go to Iraq, Buy American or Go Screw Yourself. God Bless!"

I made sure not to use violent language, and also not to use vulgar language. But if you're such an idiot that you can't afford better than a shitty Toyota hatchback and you're voting for the biggest corporate president in American history, who essentially hates you and your kind, then you need to not reproduce.

Oh God, Please No!

2005-10-21T05:34:00.000-04:00

After getting us all hopelessly addicted, myspace is undergoing a "maintenance" outage.
In related news, I've just slit my wrists because I have nothing left to live for. (Not really-don't call me- I only communicate via myspace now) KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHN!

Useless News For Stupid Idiots

2005-10-21T05:27:00.000-04:00

This story is a pretty good summation of what's wrong with our modern media.

Things like this "sharing their story," especially when the story is essentially "I was standing outside smoking, and a drunk person dropped a can on me," is just worthless, wishy-washy crap that only idiots like to hear. Give me useful information, not just emotional, woe-is-me claptrap.

This kind of stuff is what drives everybody to think that their story is worth all of us watching it on television, and in most cases, it's not. No, that's what the internet is for.

And with another hurricane on the way, you can expect to see some more reporters standing outside in heavy winds, telling us that the winds are heavy. Whoo-fucking-pee.